LOVE ME OR HATE ME ITS STILL AN OBSESSION...
my blog; my life; my way
i'm not the girl next door but the BITCH across the street.
i'm the kind that the girls don't like
i'm the kind that the boys fantasize
i'm the kind that your mama and your daddy's afraid who you'll turn out to be like
"she says she's no good with words,but im worse.
barely stuttered out a joke of romance stucked to my tongue
weighed down with words,too over dramatic
tonight its it can't get much more
no one should ever feel im two quarters and a heart down
and i don't want to forget how your voice sounds
these words are all i have,so i'll write...."
DROP DEAD GORGEOUS...
dance=life17/F
STUDENT
LASALLE
Her love's her life:D
THE DEVIL USES PRADA
msn: ballet_stepharina@hotmail.com
facebook:ballet_stepharina@hotmail.com
bitch bitch bitch all you want...
I CRAVE FOR...
STRAWBERIES!!
DEY ARE WHY I LIVE...
Ath
bryan
Claire
Chiaa
CS
Debbie
ET
Elaine
HH
JieLing
Karishma
Kaen
Natiara
Nazri
Nazie
Pamela
Q
Regan
Sabri
Shi Hui
VanNessa
I WISH I WISH I WISH...
i'm next to my baby now...
CHANEL BOOTS
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
May 2010
a shot to kill the pain
a pill to drain the shame
a purge to stop the gain
a cut to break the vein
a smoke to ease the grave
a drink to win the game
an addiction's an addiction
cus it always hurts the same.
THANKS TO...
~ Host ~
Blogger
ImageShack
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i miss you morethen the air that i breathe;i need you with me,im not gna lie.
yes baby, then why? i finally found the reason i changed. forgive me i did.im me now. and being me,still wnabe with you.its only when you're ard that i feel complete.and i feel nth but love from you.i know you feel the same too.
idk why im still blogging.
i should just let this blog die.
but,my affections and wishes have not died.
so neither will this blog be dead.
there's nothing i could say to you,nothing i could ever do to make you see what you mean to me.
honestly,you're the onething i got right this time.
so it seems, i guess by ignoring you is the only way to make you talk to me.
its strange how i cant seem to take my eyes off you and am trying my best to ignore you.
but when i really did ignore you, i still see you looking at me from the corners of my eye.and you're always in a position that you could see me most clearly.be it at 15 minutes smoking corner,grass patch or class.
you know,i really thought you didnt want this anymore like you said you dont.
but however it may seem, the pendant, you're wearing with my name on, is still on ur chain.
thats when i truely know you didnt wna let me go.its just not the time.
look baby,i know you;re still young and you wna play.i understand.
but by constantly asking me to find another isnt giving me signs thats you really want me to let go and move on.by telling me that guys are contacting me blah blah blah.. and that you SHOULD be happy for me is obviously and honestly telling me you are NOT happy.why would you keep asking me all this when it actually hurts you somehow? when you actually arnt any happier?
you may act tough and all but baby,dont you know,its onlya 3 minutes thing?you're not a good liar. and believe it or not,i do know you well enuf.
you wouldnt come all the way down to school when you didnt attend classes in the morning and arrive when classes are done.but because you called and i still had a class that day.you were home.you didnt have to come down. and even when you did,you weren't practising in school. so if you would to say that coming to school to practise is ultimate bullshit.
you wouldnt look for excuses to disturb me or to get me to sit beside you.
you wouldnt lay on my lap for fun.
you wouldnt look ur fingers between mine randomly.and its obvious telling me my nail colour's dropping was an excuse. you didnt have to lock fingers and hold my hand to tell me that you know.
and by apologising to me telling me you didnt know why you kissed me that night before we went seperate ways is also bullshit.
i just waited for you to pack ur stuffs and i said bye.you leaned over to kiss me on the lips before you said bye.
what was that kiss all about?
you tell me you dint know why you did that.
you weren't drunk b.
i can tell you the reason why you did that.
you still feel smthng. whatever crap you have been saying is all not what you aree feeling. what you did was what you really felt still for me.
cus you always do that.but dont come and fool me telling me it became a habit. cus its not.
i felt a tinggle when you kissed me that night. i felt smthng special.
and you wouldnt wait for 3 days later to apologise to me for that.
you wouldnt be noticing what i've been wearing or how i look in school if you werent interested anylonger.
and by taking intiatives to talk to me again?
caring and showing concern by asking me not to do this andthat indirectly telling me to takecare? disturbiing me like you used to? its definately not cus you wnaknow if imin school or not that you'll talk or call me.
simple talk leads into deep meanings baby.
somehow,i could read you. i understand what you're thinking about. iknow.
you also wouldnt keep pressing hints like "if you want me to comeback to you sing this blah blah blah for me". i didnt mention anything about this anymore when imtalking to you.but you keep doing it.
i feel a feeling so strong,i melt.
i felt a passion so bright,but i wasnt blind.
stop pls baby. stop telling me stuffs you dont feel. its obvious you feel more then just love.
i believe in you.i love you more then anything right now.
say im stupid but you know i'llbe here.
you know that. dont ask me to stop waiting when i know you want me to.
i'll be there for you.this 5 words i swear to you.
i'll continue waiting. and trying and doing all that i can.
anything you get back into those arms of yours.
i told you i'll nvr take the pendant out. and you didnt either.
i'll be strong.i'llwait.but just so you know, i am who i am now.
there's no use lying. i pray and wish upon the stars and moon for you to come back.
love always
Nana
It's only now that I realize how deeply I love you
No matter where, our memories exist (in every place)
Already, everything doesn't matter anymore;
all the past times I've been hurt
I miss you, miss the past
Nobody can replace you
Once again, in sweetness and hardship;
I'm willing to go through it with you
Baby, say that I love you and i really meant that i love you
It turns out that I still love you so much
Without you, there is no me
I love you so much
So much more than I love anyone else
I love you so much
I want to give you happiness
Be in love again... with you
Do you understand?
Do you understand my heart?
I only want to be with you;
life only has meaning when I'm with you
Come wind come rain it also means something like "come what may"
I'm not escaping love's destiny
You were once my past... i believe you're my future as well.
No matter where I go in future
Always you, forever you
We're gonna let love continue
My heart's not gonna change again
You bring me happiness
There will never be anyone else
It turns out that I still love you so much
Not gonna repress the real me
I love you so much
Passing through the interwinding time and space
Because I love you so much
Not gonna let you be alone again
i wna Be in love again... with you
do you understand?
understand my heart now that i've said this?
i really hope you do.
cus im not letting you go.
our love will never die.
and i hurt myself by hurting you....
mood= up and down.
i swear im gna get blind soon.
all these tears just seem to come at night.
it fucking suck big time.
idk why but its you who keep appearing in my dreams,and its you i keep seeing in my future.
loreal'smaking faces yesterday at wisma atria.
cool shit.
the makeup artist who did make up for me was a guy.
he's eyes are covered in eyeliner.
omg.but his skills are damn good.
he actually teached me the way to apply for the look.
so i sort of have a new look as a ultimate makeover for me.
ohh btw,he's the first person who says my eyes are big.and my lashes are long.
happy much?:P
packing my room since i woke up.
:/
i hate messing my room and needing to clear the mess after.but ahh fuck.
it all comes down to one habit of mine.
habits,im changing.
habits,its my habits ist it?
yes and my habits made you feel im stubborn.
im gna keep my promise.i swear.
yes,you've heard me say i'mchanging and that i really love you ladalada for the longest time.
i never did keep that promise.but b,i kept my promise to love you a lifetime.
my lifetime's not up yet.but im still loving you.
baby,i need you to trust me like i trust you to believe in what i say now.
i'vemade you a promise and imgna prove it to you m not the naive girl anymore.
i am Nana now.im who i amnot who i wna be anymore.
and cus you love mefor who i am, not who i wna be.
idk what the future holds for us both baby.
but seeing and hearing that you believe if we're meant to be we will be.
if we fall inlove again,we will.
seems you dont want anyone right now.
and you're not ready for a commitment.
i did tell you i'll wait,
i'll keep trying.
i'll do whatever it takes to keep us tgt.
not now baby.
i'll give you time.i'llwait.
idk what the future holds for us.but im certain you're in my future.
for the last time,please stop listening to what people think or feel abt us.
what matters isnt them,its us.
im the one in the relationship with you.not them.
get that into your head please?
im not gna tell ortalk to you anything about this anymore.
imgna wait for you instead.
i sure hopetimewill tell.
and timewilldetermine our fate.
i met you for a reason.
you got tgt with me for a reason.
you love me once.you will again.
i never wanted to hurt you and you know that.
you think i dont even mean a single word i say?
but its only words,and words are all i have to take your heart away.
yes,im following my heart and im truely understanding you alot more now.
i believe in us and i believe what im doing is what'sright and what happiness is about.
we'reon the midst of a rocky road now.and i dont want you to hate me.
if keeping quiet and loving you and waiting is what will bring you back,i'lldo just that.
i love you baby.
i do know and feel you do too.
words cnt espress myself and neither could i convince you.
all i could do is to prove it to you.
i am absorbing eveything you said.
i've been dressing nicely to school.and always the same boring style.
the only reason isnt to attract you or anyone.its beacuse a girl never forgets what he boyfriend says. and what you said was to melawa for you at least.not to others.
im changing my princess ways.
gimme a lil more time to prove.
i'llmake you see i've changed.
will you accept my apology if i said i was sorry?
yet again.i am true to you.you need to know that.
and im gna prove it.
Really a bit helpess,
I'm flirtatious only because of love
Sitting here, foolishly stewing
I still rely on your very pure love
my heart is still here,
the person who loves you is still here
Waiting painfully,
want to cry but couldn't cry
I never meant to hurt you,
you know,you should understand,and you do understand.
Too much room for love,
would get us easily hurt
Trusting and loving each other should be the only way
what I give to you, keep in your heart
I ultimately value so much, how could I forget?
Feel so sorry
Baby I'm so sorry
I never meant
I never meant to hurt you
I guess you should understand.
feel so lonely
Baby I'm so lonely
Do you know
I need you to come back
Are you alright
Please come back to my life.
My true heart still stays,it haven't separated from you
This life,my only wish is to love you
be With you forever, only waiting for you
love is innocent, love is limitless,
If I don't care for much then why do I suffer so tremedously
I am really too stupid, not understanding the hurt
i love you baby dearest!
i know you i do and you do too.
stop running away.
i miss you so fucking much!
love,
Nana
Labels: and i'm sorry i've been selfish...but please know that i seriously love you deepdown...
falling apart,falling deeper,still falling for you....
dear baby;
its been so long since i last got to stand up and take the courage to talk to you face to face.
i seriously hate the fact that we're avoiding and ignoring each other when we see each other.
but im glad we still have some form of communication.
i really thought you'd be happier w/o,but its not from what i see.you're not.and from things you said,i could tell somehow,you still care.and i know,you're not happier this way either.
you've been seriously quiet and it pains me to see this side of you.
i had been really paranoid.but my day's always brightens when i see you in school.
look b, i really don't know why.or how this works.
i've never felt anything this strong before.
i never missed someone as bad as i miss you.
idk why i get so worried and its part of the reason why i always ask if you've eaten.
i thought the dreams and thoughts of you would stop when you stopped texting or talking to me.
but it didn't.i think of you still.
i liked myself better when im with you.
i didn't have to fear and even if i had a fear,i'd know you'll overcome it with me.
maybe to a guy things are different.the thing that gave me the courage to hang on and not let go was the couple pendant. honestly,i know you know that it meant something to the both of us thats why you're still wearing it.
i still believe in us baby.i really do.cus somehow something deep inside you believes it too.
i really hope you won't walk away and run away fromwhat you really feel.
yes,i want you bad.
yes,i won't deny anything.
i miss everydamnthing about you.
yes,i'llwait,i am and alrdy am waiting.im not a fighter,but i'llfight for what i love.and what i love is YOU.im positive.i won'tgive up.neither will i let go.
i said forever,and you said always.
we both mean alotto each other and we're majorly distracted by this.
im sorry baby.
i love you.i still do.forever and for always.
im sorry if you've been only reading all this on my blog,my mind's in a state of confusion, im falling ill YET AGAIN, i've been thinking and missing the late nights with him.
it sucks big time.his scent just keeps coming into my head. his images and everything.
Nana be strong. and wait.
just because she comes off strong doesn't mean she didn't fall asleep crying.
and even though she acts like nothing's wrong, maybe she's just really good at lying.
love,
Nana
Labels: my love of a lifetime is YOU....
I HATE THE SLIENCE BETWEEN US.WHAT HAPPENED TO US?WE USED TO BE SO CLOSE.
i've been really busy last bloody week.
openhus practise,chingay,practise,chingay,OPEN HUS,OPEN HUS/SAMBA PARTY.
cb sia...tired like fuck.
Dear you;
i miss you...
i miss everything about you.
u've changed.
u dont talk to girls randomly no more.
u're not as loud and active like u used to be.
i rarely even hear a real laugh from you anymore.
but i love that cute lil smile you still give when i look u in the eyes.
i feel u're happy with me ard.
and i really don'twna put up this front anymore.
i've never truely laughed or smile since you've been gone.
i'm afraid to say i've changed somehow too.
i pretend to be strong cus you want me to.
but infact baby,im not.
everything changes once i stepped out of the circle of friends.
i'msuper happy when i recieved ur texts these past days.i really am.
i'mafraid b.
imafraid i'llsay things that'll you'll walk away instead.
the truth is,i wna be there...
i dont wna run.i dont wna avoid.i HATE the slience between us.
i seem to have alot i wna say,but idk how or what to say.
its really killing me to hold back my tears everytime.
but i dont wna cry to you.i dont wna be weak.
i wna be strong for you.
im really trying to be...
im running away cus i'd afraid i'm gna hurt you someway.
i miss getting angry with you and then we'll get in to a big fight and then you'll wrap me in ur arms to stop my tears.
i miss everything with you.
i miss you baby..
somuch...
i wna be there like i used to be.
but im in no position anymore and it sucks.
but....
ily.
love,
Nana
Its not a want anymore.its a need.
awkward.fucked up.
i dont wna run away anymore b.
thing is,im avoiding you.
im afraid.
im scared baby.
i dont wna act anymore.
i dont wna pretend im okay when im really feeling the pain.
i dont wna act.
i can't do this liddat.
i dont wna be strong.
i cant bring myself to be.
its killing me inside.
i dont wna fight these tears.
i dont wna run away from you.
i wna stay.
i dont wna avoid you.
you're my happiness.
imy, i really do.
i wna hug you so bad.
i feel like i have alot to say to you.
i wna sit right next to you.
i wna eat with you.
but,im in no position to do any of that anymore.
im not... anymore...
love,
nana
Labels: i hate this....
idk why i have this feeling.
its getting to me.
its really strong.
its the magic in you baby.
idk what it is.but....
Labels: are you still willing to try?, tell me
IMY
Boy I never knew I could feel
The way I felt, when I felt the way
You were feeling me baby
I'm so out of control
Every time you look my way
I realize more and more
How much I adore those pretty eyes
Of yours, I'm helpless baby
What I wanna know is
Are you willing to try?
Can you love me for a lifetime
In just one night?
Baby, I know you're the one that I need
There's gotta be more meaning to this
Than what meets the eye
Baby I love you
You know I need you
I gotta have you
Can't be without you
Like an angel of the sky, you came
Clearing up all the clouds, the sadness and the rain
So pure and healing was the love you bring
I knew inside it felt so right
With you it seems I may have found
Some other kind of love
I will love you all my life
Always be by your side
And I will give you all I have
'Cause you gave me peace and joy again
I was scared to let go and trust your love
After what I've been through I have had enough
mother f.i scrapped my kneee!!!
manage to stop the bleeding but the pain kicks in now:(
loving samba!
freaking tired alrdy.
gg to bed.k bye.
blog tmrw instead.
love,
Nana
Labels: already...dreaminggggg..hoping..waiting
HAPPY 20TH BABY!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BOY!hello baby are u reading this?
hahaha.u said wna take pictures to post here :)
happy birthday dear.
spent the whole afternoon shopping for ingredients and to bake cupcakes for baby ytd.
went down to CCK in the afternoon.went over to pennisular to find wayne.
Baby decided to take pictures last minute.
nvr thought i'd miss you this much b.i really miss you.
i miss being in that warm hands of yours.
i'm elated that i could still snuggle in :)
the lighter baby bought was super cute!
me likey.very cute.
baby,thank you for dragging urself to go out with me.
though u went back late last night and u were tired.
well,i couldn't let u celebrate ur birthday with ur bed.
so sorry i dont know where to go or what to do.
where do girlfriends usually bring their boyfriends on their birthday?
i have no idea cus honestly,u're the only boyfriend i'd use my heart to do stuffs.
you're the only one i celebrated birthday with.i nvr did that before and i love it :)
i wished the time wouldn't run that fast.
i wished i had more timee with you.
though i'll see u everyday,i can't get enough of you!
pls dontthink of birthday as a bad thing.
well,at least i'm gna be there every year you get older.
this i promise you,i will be there.
ican'twait for our next date anyday this week!!!!!!!!!!
lemme know again!!
I SERIOUSLY LOVE YOU STUPID MATREP!
hope u had somewhat of fun today baby!
many many kisses and hugs to you idiot!
oh and i cnt believe you'veliveon this planet for 20 years alrdy!
many loves,
NANA
Labels: i'm addicted to u.everything about u.
2009 had been a rough year.
first thing for sure i know,i've grown.
hmm,length wise yes,width wise,no,instead,strunk.
good or bad,u decide.cus for one i know,i loss it healthy at first but not recently.
many things happened in 2009.
good and bad.mostly bad in the start i wouldn't deny.
but things changed for the better.
but mostly bad i'd still say.
well,bad cus i've became naughtier.not sexually.i meant.
got in trouble with the law,mom and dad found out i smoked.
which after made me much more rebellious.
i got into LASALLE.
i got merit for intermediate!
well,the best part is,i fell in love again.
i nvr thought i would but i did.
and something about him made me fly.
something about him made me fall deeper then i thought.
somehow im certain he's the one.
well,im still believing though.
2009,byebye.
love new year's day alrdy :)
hopefully my dreams will come true.
anyway,here's a video of bloco @ celebrating 2010 at marina:)
i'm happier when im with you...
one month to 2 days to baby's birthday....
one month to 2 days changed everything.
im sorry to say i still felt a connection.
im sorry to say that i haven't gave up.
im sorry to say im certain because i believe.
u do too.
and i do stuffs sincerly.
for the million and one time,im not her.
despite the fact that i want you back badly,i dont do stuffs that most girl would.
using the opportunity to get u back is not sincere.
and i've never thought of that.
been saving for 2 months to bring you out.
and even if now, we're still tgt,i'll do exactly the same thing.
im serious about us.
and yes im stubborn.
but fuckit.
im more then sure that i liked myself better when im with you.
i still believe in u baby.
i still do.
i know u believe in us too.but tym's just playing with us.
im not on a thread now.
one thing's for sure,i wont give up.
love,
nana
Labels: i still believe in destiny that you and i were meant to be...
hello earthlings!!
HAPPY 2010!!
yes happy is a right word to describe now.
last minute free tickets to marina floating platform!
managed to grab Serena,Sabri and Serena's cousin and her bf.
seeing the stage and bands, its seriously a disappointment.
well, that is i wouldn't pay 30 bucks to the show.
but i wouldnt deny that the fireworks were so damn beautiful!!!!!!!
saw the bloco boys and syed too!
ohh and the person i wanted to see most too.
okay,blame my eyes for being so sharp.
out of that amount of people flooding the platform,i still sawhim.
the least i expected was that he was the one calling me to join him instead.
Serena saw magic.so did i.
i felt butterflies again...
you know,what made me happy was when he said he was gg off and turned back to say bye to me again.
boat quay with Serena,Sab and her friends after.
waited for a fuckin' cab for a fuckin' hour before we managed to get one!
home at 5.
slept while charging my fone.
and damn,i missed a call from him at 830.
i had fun.
and im over the moon more or less moving around not exactlydancing with him.
it felt like the story was about to begin again.
sorry i was shy.
i didntknow what to do.
but im happy u called again.
im happy u were there.
maybe i nvr said this again but,
baby,i still love you.
yes.im still waiting for you.
thanksfor the night B,Serena,Sab,Cherylene,C's bf :)
thanks for the start of 2010.
love,
Nana